To My Next Boyfriend....

Dear Next Boyfriend though we have yet to meet (or we have met and I just don't know it) here are somethings that I hope you can be because honestly I do feel I deserve at least this from a significant other.  


Please don't make me wait months before you can afford to take me out.  Actually if this happens I will be smarter this time and I won't actually get in a relationship with you.  


Don't ever ask me to pay your bills I won't.  Be a man handle your business.  


Next boyfriend you should know that I am a very passionate person and once in a while just won't cut it.   


If your friends dis you because they don't particularly like me bc of something I can't control like lets say my blue eyes.  If this bothers you enough that you feel the need to pick friends or your new gf please decide then and there if you are really willing to no longer have those friends or not have me.  I will not ask you to pick.  But if you do decide to pick don't pick me and then down the road when things don't work out as we planned say omg I can't believe I let these friends go for her.  You actively made that choice to let those friends go even though I will question your choice to let your friends go many times.  


Don't change because of me, change because you want to grow and become a better man.  When people comment on the change you have made don't compliment me on helping you to be a better man especially if in the end you are just going to hate me for it.  Don't  write cards to me about it and how this man you have become is so great and you are so grateful for our relationship because I make you better.  Also, once you hate me for this change don't say you were changing to make me happy especially if your failing miserably at making me happy.  Also, by changing to a person that you and I both don't particularly like you just cheated us both out of a relationship. 


Next boyfriend if we get to the point where we live together I will never look at you as cleaning our house, mowing the lawn, etc as a gift to me.  I will look at it as your doing part of your adult responsibilities.  Will I appreciate the help?  Oh heck yes but its not a gift.

Also, dear new boyfriend if for some reason we don't work out please be a man about breaking up with me. Don't check out of our relationship and just stick around until one day you cant take it anymore. Then just up and leave without so much as a goodbye.  Be respectful enough of me and what we had to at least say goodbye.  Not only is running away disrespectful to me its hurtful to everyone who loved you.

Finally, if you do decide to do any of these things I don't ever want to hear that you will always love me because to me it is just another lie that we can add to what our relationship was.  After all not being yourself in hopes of making someone else happy just makes you a big phony.  And ultimately that would make our whole relationship nothing but a lie.  Now, since I will forever question what in our relationship was real or not sometimes when I get to missing my friend not my new x boyfriend but the friend I THOUGHT I had made during the relationship I won't text you as bad as I want to.  I'll see something funny and I'll want to tell my friend about that but actually you may not be my friend and believe it or not I'm not even sure if you truly would find it funny cuz maybe that was all part of the lies.  Actually, come to think of it you might even decide to wish all kinds of horrible crap on me and I guess that's not really a very good friend either.  I will remind myself of this hate when I miss you.

Also, I have one last request for my next boyfriend that I understand I truly have no control over this last request because our relationship will be officially over and you are free to do what you want.  But if you could at least pretend  that our relationship meant something and not talk about another female less the 2 months after we break up I'd appreciate it.  I'm not asking you not to date and whatever but to talk about one person over and over especially saying things you use to say to me that would probably be the nicest thing you could do.   However, like I said before I understand you are now my next ex boyfriend and you no longer have any care or concern for me so this request will more then likely fall on deaf ears.  However, when you do decide to date or whatever it is you want to call it with this new girl it will further make me question our relationship.  I will question things like how long were you checked out of our relationship that you can already be that close to someone else.  Or is it you had already started this new relationship and that was what helped you just walk out.

So next boyfriend I'm not sure when we will meet but I hope you can be the man I need and deserve.  I will try my hardest to be the woman you need and deserve also.

Here It Is....

          Ok so lately I have been getting emails and questions about the status of Roy and my relationship so I am just gonna lay it all out here (well my side of it anyway since every story has two sides).  So no we are no longer together and actually Roy is back in Minnesota.  When everything happened to say I was shocked is probably a MAJOR understatement.  Seeing how not even two weeks before it happened I heard Jason Marz's song "I Won't Give Up" and thought wow this is totally Roy and I.  (oh and if you haven't heard that song you should totally listen to it).  So for everything to end less then 2 weeks later was heart breaking for me.  Honestly I am not even completely sure why it ended but I do know he was miserable and he felt he was doing what was best (at the time I couldn't comprehend any of that).                

          At first I was so mad at him to the point I felt like I hated him.  But I don't hate him at all and I don't regret anything over the past almost 4 years.  Now time is past and honestly I believe he was absolutely correct.  I didn't want to see it then because I hate change and maybe that's part of how we got as far as we did.  Since everything happened I feel like I have become more almost myself again.  It is weird I didn't notice how far from myself I had become.  He was such a huge part of my life for so long that I can't hate him and I have no ill feelings towards him.  I however don't really want to talk to him or know anything about him.  I have deleted him from my fb and twitter because I have completely closed that chapter in my life.  So rumor has it he has some pretty jerky stuff up and honestly I don't want to know about it.  So if you are a mutual friend of ours I just don't want to hear about it.

         So anyway that is just a little bit of what has been happening.

March

     Ok so I know I promised this blog like a week ago but better late then never right?  So March may have been the best month ever and I still have 4 more days of it to enjoy!   So last time I managed to blog I was still at my grandmas computer in NY.  Well, I finished up my trip with Mikey which felt like a whirlwind with being there just a few short days and no one knowing I was actually going to be there.  So other then eating delious food (Mikey even asked for Carvel last night), I got to spend time with some family and friends but def not enough of them!  I also took Mikey into the city one day (on the train of course).  We went to the Central Park Zoo and spent time in Time Square.  Michael's favorite part of course was "the big Toys R' Us."  When we left to come home it was pretty heart breaking seeing how Mikey cried the whole ride plus walk to the terminal becuase he was going to miss his best friend grandma.  I tried my hardest not to cry also.  It broke my heart to see him so upset and honestly I usually cry when I leave NY too and for the same reason. 

      After coming home I have just been trying to get back into the rountine of things which honestly has not been so successful .  I think part of it has to do with all the stuff that has been going on.  First my boss had her major grand opening of her store complete with petting zoo and train.  So Roy, Michael, and I went to that.  Also, if you haven't checked out her store yet you are missing out.  Jack Anna Beanstalk has some of the cutest children's clothes ever!  After the store opening I finally got to check out Gracie Bleu.  It sure was yummy.  My favorite flavor is peanut butter!  After the opening was the circus and not just any circus but Ringling Brothers!  It was probably one of the best times I have ever had at the circus.  There has also been soccer games inbetween.  Then last night I had a late night movie night with Roy.  We went and saw 21 Jumpstreet  and OMG it was rolling!  Even Roy said he couldnt believe how much I was laughing.  So you should also check that out!  Other then that I have pretty much just been working. 

Almost a month later

 First off sorry it has been like a month since my last blog.  I had a big surprise in the works and I knew if I blogged I would want to talk or I guess type about it but was scared someone would spill the beans about my surprise.  March has been absolutely fabulous!  Of course we started out the month with my 26th (ugh I'm getting old) birthday.  It was a wonderful night spent with my family with dinner at Kyoto's and ice cream cake at mom's.  I also received a ton of wonderful presents.  The next week flew by with preparation for my trip to Disney.  In case you didn't know the amazing family I work for brought me to Disney with them for part of Spring Break. 
     So last Friday we all boarded a plane and headed to Florida.  Once in Florida we did so many amazing things from character meals, dinner shows, and park hopping it was a wonderful time.  Oh, I can't forget to mention all the animal watching we did from our hotel balcony since we stayed at Animal Kingdom.  While at Disney we visited Epcot, Animal Kingdom, and The Magic Kingdom.  I had never been to Epcot or Animal Kingdom and just like I expected they were amazing.  I also took my picture with Mickey, Goofy, Daisey, and Donald.  I felt like a kid in a candy shop since I am a complete dork when it comes to Disney.  There are plenty of nights you can find me in the kitchen singing Disney tunes as  I cook dinner. We then ended back to Memphis Tuesday night.
    Now here is where the surprise part begins when I first found out we weren't going to be in Florida all of Spring Break I asked my boss if I could have the rest of the week off and because she is amazing and awesome she said yes.  So when I get back to my house Tuesday night around 10 I throw all of my summer clothes out the suitcase and pack more winterish stuff for Mikey and I because the next morning him and I are headed on a plane to NY to see grandma.  Well, gram knew Michael was coming but she thought my step dad Bill was bringing him (which truly was the original plan).  So needless to say when I stepped out of the car at her house on Wednesday she was more then shocked.  The look on her face was completely priceless.  :)  I love anytime I get to spend with her, she is like my second mother and holds such an important place in my heart.  Well, I will make sure to blog on Monday night or Tuesday when I get home from my trip to let you all know how it went. 

Weeks like this are such a Blessing!!!

            This past week has been a great week which I was kind of surprised about because as we all know it was Valentine's week and depending on how well you know me you know that I hate Valentine's Day.  I don't like it for a number of reasons.  Some of  them include that I feel like too much pressure is put on one day to be super romantic and why do we wait till this day to buy the one we love presents and tell them sweet stuff.  Also, I feel like it forces single people to couple up for the day and just feel sad that they don't have someone to be with. However, I will say this even with all of these reasons stated this year was probably the best Valentine's Day I have ever experienced.  I had to work during the day and all of the kids were super excited about the day and really liked the gifts I gave them so that started the day off on a great foot.  Then I came home and got ready for my night out with Roy.  We started off going to Ole Venice which when I went to the W was one of my favorite places to go whenever I was in Starkville.  So I knew there was one in Memphis and I always forget to go there so I was really excited.  I was a great dinner with great food and drinks (I highly recommend the cherry limeade martini if you ever have a chance to get one).  During dinner Roy and I exchanged gifts which if you know me you know I love gifts.  Roy had mentioned awhile ago he would like to start wearing a watch so I surprised him with a new watch.  Then Roy super surprised me with new gorgeous earrings!  I was very impressed :)  After dinner we went to the movies to see The Vow.  I loved it!  Then we drove home from Memphis just in a great deep chat.  After a quick run to Walmart to get Roy work pants we went home and fell asleep cuddled in each others arms.
         Also this week Mikey was awarded Star Student for his great behavior in class.  He got lots of cool awards including a bracelet, pencil, and school t-shirt.  Later in the week Mikey was then voted class favorite.    He will have a special spot in the yearbook so needless to say Mom, Gram, and I all purchased a yearbook this year.  We are all so proud of him.  He is such a great kid, I love him sooo much.
        Friday was a work day for me but when I got there I found out I was getting to get off early I was pretty excited.  Don't get me wrong I absolutely love my job and I honestly could stay there all day.  However, it is always nice when you get a surprise and get to leave early.  So I decided to celebrate getting off early with a haircut.  I have wanted a hair cut for a while now and finally did it!  And oh boy did I do it!  My hair has never been this short but I love it!
        To finish up the week  Roy, Mikey, and I went to the cutie pie Hartlee's birthday party at Kidz Kountry.  The party was really fun and I loved getting to see some of the girls from HLIS.  I miss them sooo much.  Even though the party was really fun the best part was when Roy, Mikey, Jessica R., Jessica R.'s brother, Jessica B., Coach P., and I all went to eat after.  It was SUCH a great time I am so glad everyone decided to come eat!  It  was the icing to an already amazing week!
      Alright well now its time to get my bootay in gear and get some housework done which I am actually excited about!  Have a great Sunday ya'll!!!!  

Thanking and Trusting in God

Sorry everyone its been a minute since I've had a chance to blog.  Just been out and about enjoy life so much!  Nothing really to exciting to talk about but I do want to take a few minutes to just let everyone know about the many blessings in my life.

First I want to thank God for making Roy and my relationship stronger then it has ever been.  We have been  communicating better and not arguing nearly as much.  It has been really nice.  Now I'm not saying we are perfect by any means but I'm grateful we have been given more time to work on it.

Second I want to thank God for my amazing family.  The past few years have been trying on everyone - my mom, step-dad, and all the kids that are involved.  It was like something had taken a hold of the family and no one was at their best nor did they care how that affected anyone else involved.  Well right before Christmas my step-dad came home but of course we didn't know for how long.  However, when he came home something seemed different.  I remember one day not to long after he got home sitting on the porch talking to mom telling her that Bill seemed to be himself again. See the past few times he had been home I don't know how to really explain it but it wasn't the Bill that when I was younger I had grown up with and fell in love with. However, that Bill does seem to be back and I am so happy about.  Not only am I happy about it for myself but I'm happy for mom, Will, Sam, and especially Mikey.  I am even happy for Bill that he gets to be home.

Third I want to thank God for keeping and extra special eye on Samantha.  The past couple of years she was with someone she had no business being with and I just thank God he kept her safe that whole time.  I am especially thankful he let her see the truth finally and get out from under his hold.  She is so much happier now also.

Lastly (for now anyway) I am so happy he lead me to my new job.  I absolutely love it.  It makes things so much easier and me so much happier.  As I drive to or from work I just think about how happy and how lucky I am.

There are so many more things I am grateful for but I just wanted to write a few down for now.  Hope everyone is having a great week!  Much love to all!

Learning Lessons

        I need to start off by saying that I am truly so blessed.  I have an amazing family, boyfriend, and job.  However, I need to learn not to forget these many blessings in the face of adversity.  I also need to remember the past is the past it can not be changed.
        I guess I will start with my biggest hang up with past....choices Roy and I have made.  For anyone that knows me knows that the past few months have been beyond rough for Roy and I.  It got to the lowest it had ever been which ultimately lead to our break up and cancellation of our wedding.  To this day if Roy and I try to talk about it I end up crying.  I don't wear my ring anymore and there is no June wedding.  I should be doing all kinds of wedding planning right now but instead I just cry about a wedding.  Not only that my stomach turns at the thought of even having to go to a wedding.  It doesn't help that 2 cousins are getting married in July and in August.  In retrospect us breaking up was the best thing for us.  We were not a good couple anymore and honestly I think we had to completely break to realize things needed to be fixed.  Now we have fixed things and things are probably better then they have ever been.  I think that is part of what makes me so upset about us not getting married in June is the fact that we are so good right now.  Also, this morning I realized that had we been getting married in June Roy would have had to use his vacation time for that.  Well, Roy hurt his back like 3 weeks ago and since then has had to use all his vacation time.  This reminds how I need to put more faith in God's plans because there are reasons for everything.
         Lately the major thing that I let cloud my gratefulness for my many blessings would be money.  I understand what a trivial thing money is but unfortunately it is something I can't ever stop worrying about.  Roy and I have a BEAUTIFUL big house which we bought thinking it would be ok if we struggled the first year or so because Roy was supposed to be in line at his job for the manager program.  However, after a year later Roy is still running dairy departments with no sign even for being picked to start manger training.  It makes me so frustrated with his job.  It actually makes me hate his job.  Then when I left my job as a teacher I took a pay cut not very much but still a pay cut.  I just hate having to live paycheck to paycheck and using almost every cent of it.  When I want to do something extra or something unexpected comes up there is typically no money for it.  Like right now we both have a total of a few thousand dollars in medical bills we can't pay (bye bye good credit), Roy's window is cracked, and we need shingles replaced on the roof plus a patch in the wall where there was water damage.  I understand we are blessed to be able to pay our regular bills and even have such a great house.  I am just ready to not have to struggle as much financially.  However, I read a quote yesterday thanks to pinterest pretty much saying God doesn't move you until its time because the struggles up ahead might be a lot harder right now.
        So I'm really just trying to learn how to put more faith and trust in God.  So any suggestions on how to do that would be greatly appreciated.  Now it is time for me to go to bed so I can hopefully get up and treadmill it up in the morning!  Sweet Dreams Ya'll!!!